Monday, October 5, 2009

Walking out

I haven't blogged much lately.

Things have been rather overwhelming for me, especially in terms of career. I don't know if I made a wrong first step, only time will tell. It's topsy-turvy. Don't get me wrong, it's not about who or what I got into trouble with. It simply wasn't the ideal 'marriage' per se. More like a shotgun, then you realize that the person who is waking up beside you everyday probably isn't the right one for you.

I did have a brush with sales jobs in the past, when someone tried to sweet-talk me into my namesake - MLM. Sure, the fresh air-con, the bustling office environment and the ra-ra gangs - they did entice me quite a bit, to be honest. However, I have never felt comfortable doing it. It was a warning sign that I failed to heed. So I landed in this sales job, but probably I should have never done so because my attributes are simply not cut out for it. Presentations? Sure, I can do them. Pretty well. But meeting people, strangers even? Don't get me wrong. I can hold a conversation, but too bad - sales is an emotional thing. I am not good with touching people emotionally, especially at the crucial moment. Therefore, no sale.

Let me tell you that the sales that I am doing isn't easy. Lots of initiatives and drive have to be generated within yourself. And you are very much on your own. Once your fuel is gone, that's it. Nobody is going to top it up for you other than yourself. That's what exactly happened to me - I am tired. Jaded. But at least I found out the truth before it gets even worse. Keep on going home empty-handed, feet dragging? No good. I know of a lot of people like that, but seriously it isn't a good sign if one is being burnt out so quickly.

Do I think of myself as a failure? I am tempted to, but fortunately V counseled me out of it. For those of you who don't know who 'V' is, she is my fiancee. Someone I would dare to say that she's the best woman I have ever met, who has been very loving and supportive even during these tough times. Right now, I am focusing on getting back to what I can do well in - either chemical engineering or possibly banking. How long will I take before I get to go to work again? I don't know. With this supposedly recovering economy, even with a degree, it's still damn hard. God damn hard. But I am a fighter. I will continue fighting unless I am dead.

As for V, I feel very sorry for her sometimes because as her beloved one, I cannot provide much material support as of now. I am floundering in the rapids myself. But I will get out of it one day - and when that day comes, she'll get this support that she had fully deserved.

Walking out is never easy, be it from a place or from someone. It requires tremendous courage sometimes, but you just have to bite the bullet and move on. There will surely be greener pastures elsewhere, let these seasoned feet of mine carry me to those pastures. The sun will shine once again, for even light and darkness take turns to manifest its presence.

For those readers who have followed me thus far, sorry for not providing updates regularly. I will try to post more stuff when I have more time. Right now, I am entrenched in a war zone.


V said...

My fiance,
Pp will understand why u r not blogging tt often.

Nvr ever feel sorry for seeming not being able to provide sort of material support for me. It is a path I had 2 go through after all. U had already done a lot for me. I thanked you very much!

Not to worry! My obstacle is only temporary. I believe n take pride in earning my own keep.

Anonymous said...

Hi Gong Yu,

I chanced upon your blog while surfing Facebook. Nice to see that you've found your happiness.

I understand what you've been saying on this blog. I always thought that you are this special person whom not many can understand. I see you as a very determined person, being who you truly are to be instead of trying to fit into the crowd like many people do.

I wish you all the best in your relationship and your career. The path forward is not easy, but I believe you have the mental strength and someone to provide the support that you need.