Sunday, July 26, 2009

Past and Present Condo

I haven't been exactly the luckiest person around. I have had a lot of knocks and stumbles throughout the years and sometimes, I am tempted to be resigned to fate - something which is against my personality. Why? Because I am a fighter.

But the catch is, fighters will invariably tire one day. And lately, in the past one or two years, I am indeed tired. Hence, gone - or rather, adjusted was my attitude towards the honors and the accolades, as well as the hearts and the flowers. I don't fight as hard as I used to - or rather, be as obsessed as I was in the past. The previous Condo had been written into the historical annals. The current Condo is an improved and very different version of the past one.

I have not been the luckiest person in heart matters. I used to be the one who has the romance tabloids draped all over me, with those factually uninvited but overly enthusiastic 'friends' who broadcast my interest unabashedly to completely unintended parties. The news would spread like fire, but ironically, I would become frozen instead. Frozen because of a mixture of fear, reluctance and dismissiveness. Again and again, this happened umpteen times.

Although it was only about a couple of years away, I have nearly forgotten what it feels like to be in love with someone. Those fleeting liaisons, stashed away amongst the archives of time, seemed so faraway but can be surprisingly stark and vivid. The touches, the smiles. The moments spent smirking by the telephone cord as the tone of an apparently unattractive counterpart (to others, but not to me) filled my ears. And the memories of the footsteps down the dusty, washed away dirt paths. Sometimes, they do not want to spare me, hence they came to haunt me before I sink into a slumber. Tears would occasionally overflow and speckles of sodium chloride would remain on the pillow sheet cometh the very next ray of sunlight.

That was it, until I met her.

She is a very unique lady. One whom, I am afraid, could not be replicated in any form or imitation. Her eyes sparkle with determination and intellect, but are also full of emotions. Such beautiful eyes! I found mine transfixed onto hers, and eventually hers onto mine. She is no Megan Fox, Mariah Carey and what not, but her brand is extremely out-of-this-world. It was a very difficult road leading up to this point, but a very memorable one as well. There were many a time that nothing would remain, it could have been. Could have been. But finally, fate has decided to do me a favor this time. Corners have turned. And I see from afar that the familiar silhouette is gradually growing larger.

And then there was the hug. Only a hug, you say. However, it probably was one of the most meaningful and emotional one that I have had. Nothing beats that. Like the feeling that you have found your long lost, half-piece of pendant which you thought you could never find it again. The saunter beneath the moonlight and the gentleness that shroud me, are both destined to become timeless classics.

Thanks to the heaven, I have found you.

Sunday, July 5, 2009


Ever felt like an alien before?

Note that by the word 'alien', I don't necessarily mean those little green customers that you used to, or perhaps even love to, see on those TV screens. In those sci-fi movies. The 'alien' in this context has more to do with the physiological make-up - that is, if you frequently feel that you are constantly out of sync with the people around you, like nobody ever resembles you remotely, that would qualify you as an alien in my context.

And let me tell you this, being an alien sometimes doesn't make one feel good. Humans are social creatures, that much we know, and it doesn't feel good to be left out, even inadvertently, does it? However, sometimes it is inevitable - after all, one can only try to 'close up' the gaps to a certain extent. It becomes trying and tiring to bring it further than that. Hence, sometimes it is better to just preserve your own flavor.

Or seek another alien. With the world getting so unforgivingly congested, surely there must be other aliens amidst all the 'normal people'? Yes. That is possible, in every sense. But the catch is this - aliens are to be met, not sought for.

Fortunately for me, I have met another alien myself since last month. Let's call her V. For anyone here who is itching to know what V does, where she comes from, etc etc - I am sorry. I am not here to reveal all these. Plus, it would be blasphemy to the agreement between two aliens to reveal such heavenly secrets. Then, what's the point of talking about her? You ask.

Well, it's the special bond. The special bond which only two aliens can share with each other. It's akin to someone who can automatically and precisely decipher your code-laden words without you having to apply the 'layman dictionary', like you would do when communicating with those who are obviously not as alien as you are. Someone who could comprehend your emotions and experiences without passing them off as episodes of mundane existence. Someone whom you could actually relate with without having to turn your full-body armor to maximum thickness, like you do with your everyday dealings with others in your office, etc etc etc.

I am lucky to have met you, V. Just when I have kept to myself my deepest thoughts for many months, when I thought that it would be a futile effort to try to create bridges that the other party would have scant interest in trying to reach out towards me with equal measure. I do not know how long our association would last, but I hope it would, for as long as humanly possible.

For now, I have to sign off. V: if you see this, you would understand what I am driving at.

For those who don't, well - you are probably an alien in your own right, but not the same type as me. No matter, you will have your own group of aliens to associate with too. After all, as I mentioned earlier, rapport building is very much a humanistic trait and instinct.