Past and Present Condo

I haven't been exactly the luckiest person around. I have had a lot of knocks and stumbles throughout the years and sometimes, I am tempted to be resigned to fate - something which is against my personality. Why? Because I am a fighter.

But the catch is, fighters will invariably tire one day. And lately, in the past one or two years, I am indeed tired. Hence, gone - or rather, adjusted was my attitude towards the honors and the accolades, as well as the hearts and the flowers. I don't fight as hard as I used to - or rather, be as obsessed as I was in the past. The previous Condo had been written into the historical annals. The current Condo is an improved and very different version of the past one.

I have not been the luckiest person in heart matters. I used to be the one who has the romance tabloids draped all over me, with those factually uninvited but overly enthusiastic 'friends' who broadcast my interest unabashedly to completely unintended parties. The news would spread like fire, but ironically, I would become frozen instead. Frozen because of a mixture of fear, reluctance and dismissiveness. Again and again, this happened umpteen times.

Although it was only about a couple of years away, I have nearly forgotten what it feels like to be in love with someone. Those fleeting liaisons, stashed away amongst the archives of time, seemed so faraway but can be surprisingly stark and vivid. The touches, the smiles. The moments spent smirking by the telephone cord as the tone of an apparently unattractive counterpart (to others, but not to me) filled my ears. And the memories of the footsteps down the dusty, washed away dirt paths. Sometimes, they do not want to spare me, hence they came to haunt me before I sink into a slumber. Tears would occasionally overflow and speckles of sodium chloride would remain on the pillow sheet cometh the very next ray of sunlight.

That was it, until I met her.

She is a very unique lady. One whom, I am afraid, could not be replicated in any form or imitation. Her eyes sparkle with determination and intellect, but are also full of emotions. Such beautiful eyes! I found mine transfixed onto hers, and eventually hers onto mine. She is no Megan Fox, Mariah Carey and what not, but her brand is extremely out-of-this-world. It was a very difficult road leading up to this point, but a very memorable one as well. There were many a time that nothing would remain, it could have been. Could have been. But finally, fate has decided to do me a favor this time. Corners have turned. And I see from afar that the familiar silhouette is gradually growing larger.

And then there was the hug. Only a hug, you say. However, it probably was one of the most meaningful and emotional one that I have had. Nothing beats that. Like the feeling that you have found your long lost, half-piece of pendant which you thought you could never find it again. The saunter beneath the moonlight and the gentleness that shroud me, are both destined to become timeless classics.

Thanks to the heaven, I have found you.

Aliens

Ever felt like an alien before?

Note that by the word 'alien', I don't necessarily mean those little green customers that you used to, or perhaps even love to, see on those TV screens. In those sci-fi movies. The 'alien' in this context has more to do with the physiological make-up - that is, if you frequently feel that you are constantly out of sync with the people around you, like nobody ever resembles you remotely, that would qualify you as an alien in my context.

And let me tell you this, being an alien sometimes doesn't make one feel good. Humans are social creatures, that much we know, and it doesn't feel good to be left out, even inadvertently, does it? However, sometimes it is inevitable - after all, one can only try to 'close up' the gaps to a certain extent. It becomes trying and tiring to bring it further than that. Hence, sometimes it is better to just preserve your own flavor.

Or seek another alien. With the world getting so unforgivingly congested, surely there must be other aliens amidst all the 'normal people'? Yes. That is possible, in every sense. But the catch is this - aliens are to be met, not sought for.

Fortunately for me, I have met another alien myself since last month. Let's call her V. For anyone here who is itching to know what V does, where she comes from, etc etc - I am sorry. I am not here to reveal all these. Plus, it would be blasphemy to the agreement between two aliens to reveal such heavenly secrets. Then, what's the point of talking about her? You ask.

Well, it's the special bond. The special bond which only two aliens can share with each other. It's akin to someone who can automatically and precisely decipher your code-laden words without you having to apply the 'layman dictionary', like you would do when communicating with those who are obviously not as alien as you are. Someone who could comprehend your emotions and experiences without passing them off as episodes of mundane existence. Someone whom you could actually relate with without having to turn your full-body armor to maximum thickness, like you do with your everyday dealings with others in your office, etc etc etc.

I am lucky to have met you, V. Just when I have kept to myself my deepest thoughts for many months, when I thought that it would be a futile effort to try to create bridges that the other party would have scant interest in trying to reach out towards me with equal measure. I do not know how long our association would last, but I hope it would, for as long as humanly possible.

For now, I have to sign off. V: if you see this, you would understand what I am driving at.

For those who don't, well - you are probably an alien in your own right, but not the same type as me. No matter, you will have your own group of aliens to associate with too. After all, as I mentioned earlier, rapport building is very much a humanistic trait and instinct.

Intuitions. Do you trust them?

Intuitions. The power of knowing or understanding something without having to think hard. Or call it 'sixth sense' if you want. They may not be exactly the same, but they do come close I feel. In my opinion, such a 'skill' is complementary to logical thinking, and is a good defense mechanism when logical thinking does not seem to derive you the answers you want. At least, it works for me. Strange eh? Considering this is coming from a guy...although it is commonly said that women have better intuitions than men.

Let me cite you a few examples then:

1). There was once, or rather twice, or maybe even more, when I had strong intuitions before I receive my exam paper. On the first occasion, it was in secondary 2, just before I receive my history paper. I had a strong hunch that I was going to get a certain score...and what's creepy was, the score on that paper actually matched my hunch seamlessly! And then there was this other occasion when I took back my Physics mid-term paper. I also had this strong feeling that I was going to do exceptionally well. And turned out, it did.

2). Now, this one was not that pleasant. I was seeing this girl not very long ago...it was my first flame, and we clicked, so I was thinking why not give it a go again. But on a particular Saturday, I had this weird feeling throughout the entire day. It's like a deep sense of sorrow, as if my heart had been carved open...and guess what? Something unpleasant happened between her and her friend that very night...and my heart was battered. I then decided that it would be wise to move on, as there is no point keeping someone who's heart is not with you.

Also, there are countless other times when I had small hunches which, more often than not, proved to be right. Such as when I feel something amiss about an individual, something is bound to happen later.

I have always pride myself as a logical person...but one's brain can only bring you so far. Maybe I should also learn to listen and trust the vibes that my heart gives out.

So how about you then? Do you trust yours?

Life lessons that I have learnt...so far

Been busy with my FYP readings these few days and haven't had the chance or inspiration to update my blog. Now I have. Hahaha. Something emotionally shocking happened a few days back, but I am gradually putting the pieces together again. Crises and misfortunes occur all the time throughout one's life, so it's your choice whether to come out stronger or raise your white flag. Though it is rather tempting to choose the second option (for the lack of fight), I have always picked the first choice.

I have a strong inclination towards deep thinking. Some friends of mine may find this statement intriguing, because they only see the crappy side of me the majority of the time. I do have a serious side as well, although not so evident at times. Admittedly, what's the use of thinking so much? I don't have the answer to my questions most of the time, but isn't life itself about continually exploring until you find the answers? It may take you 10, 20 years to find the answer. Perhaps you will never find the answer. Still, I persist staying on the road I have taken thus far.

Although 20+ years of life isn't that long, I did learn some things, some of which came from literature, others from personal experiences...most I did not once believe religiously until now...

1). Fight for the things you can fight for. Those that you cannot, just try your best and hope for the best

2). Think of how others feel before you say or act

3). Stand up for yourself when the situation requires you to

4). Accumulate as much good karma as you can, it will work for you nicely in future

5). Realize the importance of prioritization and flexible time management. It is never a good idea to cram your schedule and make your lifestyle extremely tense

6). Love with a true heart, without deception. Those that do not treasure are their losses anyway

7). No matter how popular you are, there is always someone who loves to go against you

8). Sometimes it is good to maintain a low profile. High profile attracts envy, jealousy and troubles alike

9). Act fast when an opportunity passes by. Let too many pass, and your life will be full of regrets

10). Care about those who genuinely cares about you as well

10 lessons. There may be more, but that's all I can think of for now. I am sure more lines will be added to this list as the new chapters in my life unfold...

Life is so fragile

As probably all would have known by now, the Szechuan province of China had been stricken by an earthquake that was the most serious in 32 years. More than 12,000 lives are lost and many are still trapped under piles of rubbles. Chances of making it out of entrapment are slim at best, given the scale of the debacle. It's now two major disasters within the space of two weeks.

Although Singapore is out of the earthquake zone geographically and is almost immune to all other natural disasters, I cannot help but think about how fragile human lives can be. There is simply no telling when the end would arrive. Hence, I guess an important quality one should possess is the ability to cherish and be thankful of the things we have, as well as the people we are with. It's something I have gradually learned to realize as I grow older.

There's an old saying 'live life everyday as if it's the last'. Not an easy task by any means, particularly when everyday living here has the uncanny ability to numb one's heart. Before our heart totally loses its feeling, perhaps it is good to reflect on life occasionally and appreciate the very fact that we are still alive and kicking.

My best wishes go to the victims of Myanmar and China.