Walking out

I haven't blogged much lately.

Things have been rather overwhelming for me, especially in terms of career. I don't know if I made a wrong first step, only time will tell. It's topsy-turvy. Don't get me wrong, it's not about who or what I got into trouble with. It simply wasn't the ideal 'marriage' per se. More like a shotgun, then you realize that the person who is waking up beside you everyday probably isn't the right one for you.

I did have a brush with sales jobs in the past, when someone tried to sweet-talk me into my namesake - MLM. Sure, the fresh air-con, the bustling office environment and the ra-ra gangs - they did entice me quite a bit, to be honest. However, I have never felt comfortable doing it. It was a warning sign that I failed to heed. So I landed in this sales job, but probably I should have never done so because my attributes are simply not cut out for it. Presentations? Sure, I can do them. Pretty well. But meeting people, strangers even? Don't get me wrong. I can hold a conversation, but too bad - sales is an emotional thing. I am not good with touching people emotionally, especially at the crucial moment. Therefore, no sale.

Let me tell you that the sales that I am doing isn't easy. Lots of initiatives and drive have to be generated within yourself. And you are very much on your own. Once your fuel is gone, that's it. Nobody is going to top it up for you other than yourself. That's what exactly happened to me - I am tired. Jaded. But at least I found out the truth before it gets even worse. Keep on going home empty-handed, feet dragging? No good. I know of a lot of people like that, but seriously it isn't a good sign if one is being burnt out so quickly.

Do I think of myself as a failure? I am tempted to, but fortunately V counseled me out of it. For those of you who don't know who 'V' is, she is my fiancee. Someone I would dare to say that she's the best woman I have ever met, who has been very loving and supportive even during these tough times. Right now, I am focusing on getting back to what I can do well in - either chemical engineering or possibly banking. How long will I take before I get to go to work again? I don't know. With this supposedly recovering economy, even with a degree, it's still damn hard. God damn hard. But I am a fighter. I will continue fighting unless I am dead.

As for V, I feel very sorry for her sometimes because as her beloved one, I cannot provide much material support as of now. I am floundering in the rapids myself. But I will get out of it one day - and when that day comes, she'll get this support that she had fully deserved.

Walking out is never easy, be it from a place or from someone. It requires tremendous courage sometimes, but you just have to bite the bullet and move on. There will surely be greener pastures elsewhere, let these seasoned feet of mine carry me to those pastures. The sun will shine once again, for even light and darkness take turns to manifest its presence.

For those readers who have followed me thus far, sorry for not providing updates regularly. I will try to post more stuff when I have more time. Right now, I am entrenched in a war zone.

One of the worst lunch I ever had!! >=(

When it comes to dining outside, my requirements are not high. I just require the preparer of the food to at least have sound basic culinary techniques, decent presentation skills and at least a friendly and customer-oriented disposition towards the customers. But I was not entitled to any of those today afternoon.

As usual, my supervisor did the honors of driving me and a few other colleagues out for lunch. An Indian Muslim outlet was the destination. Although I am not a big fan of Indian food, but at least I could make do with some of their dishes. Once settled down, we took turns to order food…and I wanted a plate of sambal chicken rice. The orders came after some time, considering it was a busy lunchtime. The guy in charge delivered the wrong dish, so I requested for a change of dish.

The dish was taken away and I had to wait. As my supervisor and colleagues ate, I had to sit there looking a little awkward. Then time ticked by…still no sign of him. I tried looking around, but I could not see him anywhere. So a couple of my colleagues helped to alert another helper of my situation. Minutes ticked by, but nothing happened.

After about 15 minutes of nothingness, the guy finally came and laid down the correct dish, which was really just the previous dish with the chicken drenched in sambal sauce. There wasn’t any hint of a ‘sorry’, so I had to stomach my angst for the while. I quickly tried the food, it seemed as if the food had been left somewhere for that period of waiting time, only had the sauce added last minute. Both the rice and chicken were cold and hard, it was barely edible…but I did not request for the food to be warmed, as the others had nearly finished their meal. So I attempted to eat a little, but could not carry on as my appetite for the meal had virtually all gone.

In the end, I had to satiate myself with a pau in the tiny pantry. What an experience.